Lose-Lose Situation

Perhaps it’s high time to tell the truth behind my candidacy.

Every person tries to find an excuse to exit a shitty chapter of his life. Many do it by outright self-trickery; convincing themselves that it’s done and must not be given attention anymore. While some, such as myself, think it’s better that we find a diversion; an activity that will enable our mind to put itself away from reality and let the mind just forget the past. I thought this would work for me so I did it.

Later November proved to be a challenging time for me, when I knew I was falling deeper and deeperin love with my godsibling. It was a positive development, considering that after more than two years of grieving about my ex’s passing, I was starting to fall in love again. But as clicheic as it may sound, this love was at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the wrong person.

Prior to November (like four to six months back), my mind was focused on running for councilor in my town. Thinking that this was what was destined for me, I wanted to give it a try. But when opening of classes came, I saw myself being drawn closer and closer to my godsibling, GOLD (check element abbreviation for clue), that I was beginning to forget about running. I was really enjoying his company, so did I enjoy the company of my flatmates, that it led me to appreciating art at a more profound level than before.

I was so preoccupied with this enjoyment that it shifted my desire from wanting to be a politician to enjoying my youthful years; a common desire for guys my age who never really had an enjoyable teenage years.

Never did I think that this was to end up with my chasing pavements that led nowhere. I felt a strange feeling for GOLD that led me to believe that I was ready to love again. But knowing how homophobic GOLD was led me to believe that this feeling was futile and would only lead to bitter separation.

To avoid falling deeper and deeper, I have decided to reexamine my true desires and dreams. And politics, being my pastime and passion for quite sometime now, came in handy to be my escape hatch from this wanted, yet wrong emotion.

Three weeks after, I decided to run for councilor. A week or so after I filed my COC, I admitted my true feelings for GOLD, which led to us not talking for almost six months now. Oh well, the consequences…

So now, I lost two important things: the elections and gold. But make no mistake, I will make sure I do a good comeback in both.


About carlomasajo
I am a 21 year old Fine Arts student from the University of Santo Tomas trying to help this nation become a better one.

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