A Letter to the Heavens
July 2, 2009 1 Comment
“Love is always patient and kind, and is never jealous. Love is never boastful, or conceited, it does not take offense and is not resentful.”
Wherever you are now, please be informed that I have decided to move on. I think it’s been a while since you’ve gone, and I have been a devastated soul without you. You just don’t know how much of me have been eaten by the rust of our fondest memories and how a big chunk of my soul have faded away with your passing. I am broken now, and I will never be fully whole again without you in my life.
I clearly remember our days; those days that remind me of how strong I was by doing things things I was not accustomed to, and how fulfilling they are when you do it for love. I can clearly remember the day when we first met; that cold February morning that changed my life forever. And even though I know that you lived on loaned tomorrows, I fell madly in love with you knowing that I can give you the best months of your life. But it was otherwise, it was you who gave me my best years; years that I won’t trade for anything. I can clearly recall our days; the days when you come with me on the campaign trail and try to exude a beautiful smile in the middle of the searing sun. Those days I miss, and will continue to miss for the rest of my life.
I can clearly remember the nights when you were frightened to sleep because tomorrow may not come. I was also afraid that tomorrow may not come to greet you, for you were my tomorrow. You were my present and the immediate future of my life. And I can’t help crying myself to sleep after you cry yourself to sleep because tomorrow for us may never come.
I can clearly recall how you make my miserable afternoons great shining days just with your presence. I can recall how you make my loaded days lighter by sharing the load through your smile. You knew that all I needed was reassurance; that I have loved well and that I have loved. And you always knew how to make me feel that even in days of woe. That’s one of the gazillion reasons why I love you.
And when you left the world, I was alone again. I felt unloved, and depressed. The greatest chapter of my life was over. I even asked myself, why didn’t you take me with you? After all, without you, breathing is nothing more than a scientific process. A part of my heart died with you.
I can clearly recall how I buried you. I promised myself that your memories, your thoughts, your love, and everything you will remain burning in my heart. And it has for a year and seven months now, I have never stopped loving you with a greater intensity than when you were alive, for if i do not then your memory might slip away…
But now, Miguel, I think I am in love again, with the same intensity as my love for you. I am flooded with guilt everytime I think of this person. But I am in love with him. I love him and want him just as much as I want you and love you. I need a sign from you that will tell me that you are comfortable with me falling in love again.
Be not mistaken. I love you very much. Second the god, more than my life. But I guess it’s healthy for both us; you, get to enjoy sights of paradise, while I, stay here and become human again — until the day I can enjoy the sights of paradise with you.
Rest well, your travel was long and burdensome. I will go move on now.
Peace. I love you.