Letting Go Lesson 2
November 16, 2007 Leave a comment
LETTING GO LESSON # 2: ASK FOR HIS/HER FORGIVENESS, AND FORGIVE HIM/HER.
The letting go lessons go on as I recalibrate myself back to sanity. Please be informed that the letting go phases would run depending on the pace of the participant/s/. So if you want it slow and savor the pain, go ahead.
Lesson 2 involves an action that’s as hard to do as number 1. If number 1 entails acceptance of facts, number involves forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard to give, especially if you hurt the other person real bad; or if the other person stabbed your heart real bad. Medyo mahirap magpatawad kapag talagang masakit. It’s hard to forgive if the wounds have not healed.
At this phase, we are still trying to let go. And letting go of the experiences also means letting go of the bad ones; the ones that pained us, stabbed us, wrecked us, and broke us.
I can clearly remember a time when I spilled to the person I love my feelings for him which I kept for some years. He was furious, who won’t be? He deleted me from his network, was not talking to me, and really made me feel nothing more than a dirtbag for months. And me? I was furious of myself because I was very stupid to tell him what I feel at a stage which was delicate for both of us. And so months went on with him mad at me, and me mad at myself.
But when stuff were ironed out, I also remember myself apologizing for whatever wrong I’ve done and whatever damage I’ve caused. He forgave me and I forgave him. We have agreed to put everything behind and remain friends. Now, I am enjoying his company in the conversations we are having; brief encounters it may be, but it’s fun and relaxing.
The reason why we remained friends after all that’s happened is because I have accepted the fact that he can never be mine (LESSON 1) and we have forgiven each other (LESSON 2). Forgiveness is a key element to healing. A wound will not completely heal if you have not forgiven the inflictor of the wound, and yourself for allowing him/her to do so.
Here are some tips on how to forgive, or reach the decision to forgive:
1. Examine yourself. Have an inventory on the damages done and see how much you have to rebuild.
2. Pray. Ask the Lord for strength and for wisdom to determine if forgiveness should be given. Pray for fortitude, understanding, and patience.
3. Create a list of hurtful things the person has done to you. On the other half of the paper, list down the hurtful things you have done to the person. Keep that piece of paper in a safe place. See if this activity helps you ease the pain.
4. Talk to the person. Encourage the fact that you have made a mistake. Talk to him/her extensively. Discourse well and quarrel if necessary. Unleash all the feelings of hatred and anger. After the heated discourse, ask for his/her forgiveness, and tell him/her that you have forgiven him/her.
5. Let go of the offenses. Get the piece of paper where you have written your offenses to him/her and his/her offenses to you. Go outside your place, say a little prayer (preferrably Act of Contrition), and burn the piece of paper.
This may take time for a badly-hurt heart. I am yet to subject myself to these steps, and determine for myself if they are effective. But let us trust the process.
haaay… mukhang makakabuo ako ng libro.